Letter 2

Dear Paul,

My cousin, the one I was supposed to move in with but now I’m not…that one, yeah. So my cousin and I were talking. My cousin and I decided on this great approach to life. I think it’s really going to work. Let me know what you think…

Make a list.

Make a list of all the things you want to do with your life.

But it can’t be in an order.

And then in whatever order you get to them…start crossing them off.

Move to New York…ehhhh…can’t check that one off YET.

London, Dublin. Two places I want to live.

Work in a bar.

Get my masters and PhD ….not now.

Publish something.

You know…

the list goes on.

But I remember you once told me, thought you probably don’t remember…you once told me you were afraid of growing up. This is now 4 or 5 years ago. You were 24. Afraid of growing up.

Here I am…22. I’m not so much afraid of growing up as I am afraid of not finishing my list.

But I’m too young to worry about that. Right?

You told me once Paul…when I asked what you wanted to do…you told me you would like to be a film critic. With such a clear idea of what you want to be I wonder why you are still working at a CD shop in the mall. I wonder what you’re waiting for.

That’s not what I want.

And that’s what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of taking so much time off to figure out what I want in life that I forget to live life.

And Paul, I haven’t even started unpacking my things yet. I hadn’t gotten too far thank goodness, but I have about 5 boxes that need to be completely unpacked. Ah, it’s a little nerve racking. Not that I regret my decision, but something about unpacking seems like I have given up. So maybe I’ll just leave everything done up….as a reminder that I need to move sooner rather than later.

I signed up for a photography class.

And my grandfather called. He never calls. I assume it means he’s worried about me. Worried that I’ve made the wrong decision…he’s probably not worried about the fact that he missed my birthday. 

Unpacking my things isn’t on my list right now. 

I think we’ll make it, Paul. I really do.

We can take all the time we need.

Yours,

Katie

~ by kjmitchell715 on July 26, 2008.